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A Birthday Cruise part 3

It’s a day at sea, a formal night and what becomes a ‘James Bond’ adventure. It all starts with a very attractive young lady, dark flowing hair in a ponytail, form fitting exercise clothes, flashing eyes, fetching smile (a typical Bond Girl), attempting to torture me to death by forcing me to move my body in positions causing severe pain. The trainers on these ships can be extremely overzealous. I mention my physical distress and my fantasy and her reply:

“Remember, Bond always wins in the end.”

I am not really sure what she means by this but it immediately places my imagination into high gear.

She is obviously an MI5 agent, possibly a double agent. I believe she boarded in Cartagena. Is she the link to the Drug Cartel? The Drug Lord must definitely be on board but only she knows his identity. We will meet later in the Lotus Spa.

The day concludes with a change into the typical Bond evening attire, white dinner jacket. Sue is on my arm appearing glamorous in her sleek vintage cocktail dress with boning in the middle and a ‘V’ back. She is obviously unaware of the activities of the day and the possible terror facing us. We walk to our favorite cocktail venue, ‘The Explorer Lounge’, I order:

Vodka Martini, shaken not stirred“


You really begin to feel you have been accepted by the staff and entertainers when you arrive at your frequented lounge for dancing (The Wheelhouse), and the appearing ensemble breaks into your favorite dance tune ‘Satin Doll’ followed by the waiter who spotted your arrival immediately delivering your normal after dinner aperitif.


It’s amazing how the people you meet on cruises begin to take on images of past fictional characters. Like this morning we arrived at the early hour for our morning exercises and sitting in a yoga position in one corner of the room was a small Asian man, complete with ponytail, stringy beard and moustache, dressed in somewhat Buddha Monk attire. He just had to be Master Po from the Kung Fu series and I expected to hear: “good morning Grasshopper you have arrived early for your lesson”.

The illusion is quickly shattered when our ‘Bond Girl’ arrives and proceeds to put us through an entirely different set of torturous exercises.

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